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Medical slangs.

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· 404 moment - The point in a doctor's ward round when medical records cannot be located. Comes from HTTP 404 error "Not Found".

· Agnostication - A substitute for prognostication. Term used to the describe the usually vain attempt to answer the question: "How long have I got, doc?"

· Appy - a person's appendix or a patient with appendicitis

· Ash cash - UK peculiarity of house officers obtaining payment for signing cremation forms

· Baby Catcher - an obstetrician

· Bagging - manually helping a patient breathe using an Ambu bag attached to a mask that covers the face

· Bash cash - UK peculiarity of Registrars obtaining payment for medical reports on patients who have allegedly been assaulted

· Blamestorming - Apportionment of blame after the wrong leg or kidney is removed or some other particularly egregious foul-up.

· Blood Suckers/Leeches/Vampires - those who take blood samples, such as laboratory technicians and Phlebotomists

· Bounceback - a patient who returns to the emergency department with the same complaints shortly after being released

· Bury the Hatchet - accidentally leaving a surgical instrument inside a patient

· CBC - complete blood count; an all-purpose blood test used to diagnose different illnesses and conditions

· CNS-QNS - Central Nervous System - Quantity Not Sufficient.

· Code Brown - a faecal incontinence emergency. Often used by nurses and medical technicians requesting help cleaning up an unexpected bowel movement.

· Code Yellow - a patient who has lost control of his or her bladder

· CTD - "Circling The Drain" May also mean "Certain To Die"

· DBI - "Dirt Bag Index", and multiplies the number of tattoos by the number of missing teeth to give an estimate of the number of days since the patient last bathed.

· Departure lounge - geriatric ward

· DIC - Death Is Coming, Death In Cage - used by veterinarians describing the complications of Disseminated Intravascular Coagulation

· Digging for Worms - varicose vein surgery

· Disco biscuits - refers to the nightclub drug ecstasy. Usage: "The man in cubicle three looks like he's taken one too many disco biscuit".

· DNR - do not resuscitate; a written request made by terminally ill or elderly patients who do not want extraordinary efforts made if they go into cardiac arrest, a coma, etc.

· Doc in a Box - a small health-care center, usually with high staff turnover

· Donorcycle - nursing slang for a motorcycle, so named due to the amount of head trauma associated with motorcycle accidents, but less so with the body, making the perfect candidate for organ donation

· FLK - "Funny Looking Kid - for genetic quirks or inbreeding.

· Foley - a catheter used to drain the bladder of urine

· Freud Squad - the psychiatry department

· FTD - Fixin' to Die

· Gas Passer - an anesthesiologist (also Gasser, Gas Man or Gaswallah)

· GI Rounds - medical staff taking a break to eat lunch/dinner

· GOMER - "get out of my emergency room" - a patient, usually poor or elderly, in the emergency room with a chronic, non-emergency condition.

· GLM - good looking mum

· GPO - "Good for Parts Only “

· GROLIES - Guardian Reader Of Low Intelligence in Ethnic Skirt.

· GSW - gunshot wound

· Handbag positive - confused patient (usually elderly lady) lying on hospital bed clutching handbag

· Hasselhoff - a term for any patient who shows up in the emergency room with an injury for which there is a bizarre explanation. Oringial Source: Baywatch actor David Hasselhoff, who hit his head on a chandelier while shaving. The broken glass severed four tendons and an artery in his right arm.

· LOBNH - ("Lights On But Nobody Home) or the impressively bogus

· MI - myocardial infarction; a heart attack

· M & Ms - mortality and morbidity conferences where doctors and other health-care professionals discuss mistakes and patient deaths

· MVA - motor vehicle accident

· NAD - Not Actually Done

· NFN - "Normal For Norfolk", (a rural English county stereotypically associated with inbreeding.)

· O-sign - A patient is "giving the O-sign" who is is very sick, lying with his mouth open. This is followed by the Q-sign - when the tongue hangs out of the mouth - when the patient becomes terminal.

· Oligoneuronal meaning someone who is thick (not smart).

· PAFO - "Pissed And Fell Over"

· Pumpkin positive refers to the idea that a person's brain is so tiny that a penlight shone into their mouth will make their empty head gleam like a Halloween pumpkin.

· Q-sign - see O-Sign

· Rear Admiral - a proctologist

· Rheumaholiday - rheumatology (considered by hard-pressed juniors to be a less busy department)

· Rule of Five - means that if more than five of the patient's orifices are obscured by tubing, he has no chance of survival.

· Slasher - surgeon

· Shotgunning - ordering a wide variety of tests in the hope that one will show what's wrong with a patient

· Stat - from the Latin statim, meaning immediately

· Testiculation - Description of a gesture typically used by hospital consultant "when holding forth on subject on which he or she has little knowledge". Gesture is of an upturned hand with outstretched fingers pointed upwards, clutching an invisible pair of testicles.

· TEETH - tried everything else, try homeopathy.

· Tox Screen - testing the blood for the level and type of drugs in a patient's system

· TTFO - Told To Fuck Off.

· TTR - Tea Time Review

· UBI - "Unexplained Beer Injury"

· Woolworth's Test - Anaesthetic term (if you can imagine patient shopping in Woolies, it's safe to give a general anaesthetic)